The Fun in Fundraising
by Faye Dartmouth
Summary: How exactly do the Jedi afford all those nifty gadgets?


Jedi fundraising.  You don't think all those nifty gadgets are free, do you?  When the Senate gets tired of footing the bill, the Jedi resort to more typical methods.  This is Pre-TPM (I always forget to mention things like this).  Oh and in one of the parts I do this really messed up ode to Moulin Rouge.  If you've seen the movie, you'll probably figure it out.  If you haven't seen that movie, that little part is going to seem a bit strange…actually it's going to seem a bit strange either way, but whatever)  Oh, and I talk about credits in this and I have no real concept of how much a credit is worth so I just kind of made something up.  10 credits for a candy bar is supposed to sound a little outrageous.

Disclaimer:  Wheeeeeee.  (translation: I'm just having fun, no strings attached, not mine….)

The Fun in Fundraising

_An emergency session of the Council has been called.  The members are gathered in their circle, looking curiously at Yoda and Mace, who seem to be in charge of everything even though they are all equal._

YODA:  Sorry, I am, to call this meeting.

MACE:  Unfortunately we have bad news that requires our immediate attention.

RANDOM JEDI 1:  [concerned] Has a Jedi been killed?

RANDOM JEDI 2:  [more concerned] Have the Sith reappeared?

  
RANDOM JEDI 3:  [even more concerned]  Is the Republic collapsing?

MACE:  [shakes head sadly] No.  It's far worse.

_They all gasp._

YODA:  Refused us the Senate has.

_Murmurs and gasps._

MACE:  Yes, I'm afraid it's true.  They have denied our request for extra funding.

RANDOM JEDI 1:  But, but…our gymnasium…

RANDOM JEDI 2:  This is an outrage!

RANDOM JEDI 3:  The end is coming!

MACE:  We need to calm down.  Anger and worry will not solve this problem.

_Everyone nods._

YODA:  Money, we need.

MACE:  Yes, but the Senate cannot afford to give us anymore.  They are struggling financially as it is.

RANDOM JEDI 4:  Perhaps we should postpone the addition to the gymnasium.

MACE:  But our facilities no longer accommodate the needs of our youth.

RANDOM JEDI 4:  If you ask me, they're pampered enough as it.  The gym was adequate during my training.  Why, when I was a young Padawan, I had to—

YODA:  [not wanting to hear another, when-I-was-a-Padawan story] Changed, times have.  Keep up, we must.

MACE:  Besides, the Dark Side probably has a gym five times more advanced than ours.  We at least want to match them, don't we?

_They all nod in reluctant agreement._

RANDOM JEDI 2:  But how will we pay for this.

_There is a silence and they all appear deep in thought._

YODA:  [ears twitching, smiling wisely]  A fund-raiser, we will have.

_They all looked surprised at the suggestion._

MACE: [raises eyebrow] A fund-raiser?  

YODA:  [quite happily crones] Yes, yes.  A fund-raiser.

RANDOM JEDI 3:  Would that degrade our image to the galaxy if we stoop to such commonplace methods?

MACE:  The Jedi do need to maintain a certain level of respect.

YODA:  Worthy a fund-raiser is.

RANDOM JEDI 4:  I'm not sure—

YODA:  Who else here lived 800 years has?

  
_They all look at each other sheepishly._

YODA:  [satisfied]  My point exactly.  So a fund-raiser we will have.

MACE:  That's a great idea!

RANDOM JEDI 4:  Why could I have thought of that?

YODA:  [smugly] Most revered of the Jedi, you are not.

RANDOM JEDI 5:  I thought we were all equal.

YODA:  This, we are.  In theory.  But important, this is not.  Decisions we must make.

MACE:  Yes, we must decide which type of fundraising will be most effective.

RANDOM JEDI 2:  We could have a bake sale.

MACE: [shakes his head]  Jedi are notoriously bad cooks.

_They all nod sadly in agreement.  There is a lull._

RANDOM JEDI 3:  We could have a speeder wash?

MACE:  But who would wash them?  Us?  The Padawans would be too prone to misbehavior at such an event.

_Again then all nod sadly in disagreement._

RANDOM JEDI 4:  We could have a rummage sale.

MACE:  But the Jedi do not have possessions, must less anything to sell.

_They all nod sadly in agreement._

RANDOM JEDI 1:  [melodramatic despair] It seems as if we have no hope left.

YODA:  [smiles mischievously]  Forgotten something, you have.

_They all look at him in wonder._

RANDOM JEDI 5:  What, Master Yoda?

YODA:  Sell candy bars we will!

_They all look confused at each other._

RANDOM JEDI 6:  Candy bars?

YODA:  Yes, a brilliant idea, it is.

RANDOM JEDI 2:  How will we sell these candy bars?

YODA:  Go door to door, the Padawans will.

_They all begin to see how well it would work._

MACE:  And who doesn't love chocolate?  It'll go splendidly.

YODA:  Right, I always am.

_ONCE EVERYTHING IS SET, NOW THE SELLING MUST BEGIN_

_Obi-Wan is in his room, reading something.  Qui-Gon knocks before entering.  He is holding a box of an unidentified content._

QUI:  Obi-Wan, I have a job for you.

OBI:  [kind of interested]  What kind of job?

QUI:  Well, per the request of the Council, each of the young Jedi in the Temple are to participate in a fundraising effort.

OBI:  Fundraising?  For what?

  
QUI:  Well, it appears that the Senate's support will not cover the new gymnasium the Council plans to build.  So we must revert to other methods to procure enough money.

OBI:  What other methods?

QUI:  Well, they have several ideas, but to begin with, they have decided to sell chocolate bars.

OBI:  Chocolate bars?

QUI:  Yes, door to door.

OBI:  Door to door?  Master, that sounds ridiculous.

QUI:  It's actually quite common, I'm told.

OBI:  It is not a fitting way for a Jedi to spend their time.  Surely I would be better off meditating or working out.

QUI:  Well, it's not an option, my Padawan.  [hands Obi-Wan the box of chocolate bars]  You must sell all of these bars.

OBI:  [takes box]  For how much?

  
QUI:  10 credits per bar.

OBI:  [incredulous] 10?!  That's an insane price.

QUI:  This is very high quality chocolate.

OBI:  My tunic doesn't even cost 10 credits!

QUI:  I don't think you'd want to see the tunic that 10 credits will buy.  I can arrange it if you are so inclined to be sarcastic about this.

OBI:  [sighs] I'm sorry, Master.  But do I really have to do this?

  
QUI:  Yes, Obi-Wan.  This is straight from the Council.

OBI:  What do you have to do to help raise money?

QUI:  [hesitates]  Supervise you.

OBI:  What is the Council doing to help raise money?

QUI:  [more hesitant]  Supervising the entire venture.

OBI:  I can't believe it!  You've all passed the buck down to us poor Padawans because we can't say no!  That's like indentured servitude.  This isn't part of the Jedi Code!

QUI:  [admonishingly]  It is not your place to doubt the wisdom of the Council.

OBI:  I don't doubt their wisdom.  Their shrewdness in this matter is impressive.

QUI:  I suggest you watch your words, Padawan.

OBI:  [muttering]  What are you going to do to me, force me to stand on street corners selling this stuff?

  
QUI:  No, but perhaps you would like to sell two boxes instead of the one.

OBI:  [sulking]  You're mean to me, Master.

QUI:  Only when you deserve it, Padawan.

_LATER, ON THE STREET_

OBI:  [knocks on door, waits patiently]

WOMAN:  [opens door, looks curiously at the young man]  Yes?

OBI:  Hello, my name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I'm a Jedi Padawan.

WOMAN:  [surprise]  A Jedi?

  
OBI:  Yes, ma'am.

WOMAN:  [now alert, paranoid] Am I in danger here?

OBI:  No, ma'am, not that I—

WOMAN:  My friend Ka'Lu told me to be ready when Jedi are around because trouble follow them wherever they go.

OBI:  Well, ma'am, the Jedi are the peace—

WOMAN:  [not listening to Obi-Wan]  Once when she was on Frecka she was in this restaurant.  She said it wasn't the finest establishment but was by no means scummy.  Anyway, this Jedi comes in, and she could tell it was a Jedi because of the tunic and the whole lightsaber thing—you guys all look so much alike.

OBI:  [opens mouth to speak, gets cut off]

WOMAN:  And well, she was just eating her dinner, minding her own business when a fire fight just breaks out in the place.  There's people screaming and yelling and it was just an awful mess!  Ever since then, she's been wary when she sees a Jedi and I can't really blame her.

OBI:  Well, ma'am, I—

WOMAN:  I mean, I have this other friend, Wen, and he said he was driving in traffic one day when all of a sudden these two speeders just start darting in and out of traffic like there were no rules or anything!  Nearly got himself in an accident.  That was a Jedi too.

OBI:  Ma'am, I—

WOMAN:  [finally looks at Obi-Wan critically]  If you don't mind, I don't want any trouble, so I would really appreciate it if you would just leave.

OBI:  But, ma'am—

WOMAN:  It's not a matter of life or death, is it?

OBI:  Well—

WOMAN:  Not my life or death, anyway.

OBI:  No, ma'am, but—

WOMAN:  Then, really, can you just leave me out of it?

OBI:  [looking defeated]  I suppose so, ma'am.

WOMAN:  [smiling, much more content]  Thank you.

OBI:  [meekly, confused]  You're welcome, ma'am.

WOMAN:  Good luck with your investigation.  [closes door]

OBI:  [calling, trying to keep her attention] But I'm just trying to sell some candy!  [sighs, stares at closed door]

NEXT HOUSE 

OBI:  [knocks on door, a moment passes, a rustle is heard behind the door, an old man opens the door]

MAN:  [glaring at the young man]  Can't you young little maggots go bug someone a little younger?

  
OBI:  [politely]  I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to disturb you—

MAN:  But you did and you're not going to stop now, are you?

  
OBI:  I am sorry, sir, but my name is—

MAN:  You young things are all the same.  Trying to act all polite, but I can see right through you.

OBI:  Excuse me?

MAN:  You think just because you're young and chipper, you're better than me, don't you?

OBI:  No, sir, I just—

MAN:  [exasperated]  Well, get on with this.  What do you want anyway?

  
OBI:  My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi—

MAN:  Obi-what?!

OBI:  Obi-Wan Kenobi?

MAN:  O-B-Wan-Ken-O-B?  What kind of name is that?

OBI:  [trying to stay calm]  My name, sir.

MAN:  You young people can't have nice simple names anymore.  You can't be Ru, or Elt, or Ben—you look kind of like a Ben, why don't you call yourself Ben?

  
OBI:  Ben is not my name.

MAN:  [sighs]  It's better than that other darn-fangled name you've got, O-B-Win—

OBI:  [annoyed] Obi-Wan Kenobi.

MAN:  [rolls his eyes]  Obi-Wan Kenobi.  Well, what do you want?

OBI:  [gathering himself]  Well, I'm a Jedi Padawan Learner—

MAN:  [straining to listen]  A what?!  A jelly paraffin loner?

OBI:  [speaking slower and louder] No, a Jedi Padawan Learner.  I'm a Jedi.

MAN:  [surprised]  A Jedi?  You?  You can't be a day over 10!

OBI:  [controlled]  I'm 14.

MAN:  You mean I'm trusting YOU to defend the galaxy.

OBI:  I'm only an apprentice, I am not yet a Knight.

MAN:  I know it's not night—what are you talking about?

OBI:  [sighs deeply]  I'm here for a fundraising effort to help support the renovation of the Temple.

MAN:  Fundraising?  The Jedi?

  
OBI:  Yes, I have a large selection of—

MAN:  Can't you all just…use the Force and make everything…better?

  
OBI:  Things cost money.

MAN:  Not the Force.  Aren't you guys supposed to use the Force?

OBI:  We still have physical needs that require monetary support.

MAN:  But I thought your services were free.

OBI:  They are, but currently we are in need—

MAN:  Then why do you want my money?

OBI:  We're just trying to earn some money—

MAN:  I don't understand.

OBI:  You know what, neither do I.

MAN:  [incredulous]  Are you sure the galaxy is safe?

OBI:  Relatively speaking, I guess so.  So would you be interested in buying some candy?

MAN:  Candy?

OBI:  Yes, candy.

MAN:  I'm diabetic.  I can't eat candy.  What are you trying to do, kill me?

OBI:  [closes his eyes, searching desperately for some control, opens them with a forced smile]  I'm very sorry to have bothered you, sir. [begins to walk away]

MAN:  You should be!  [mutters] Jedi selling candy—supposed to defend the galaxy instead they're tormenting old men…

NEXT HOUSE 

OBI:  [tired, but resolute, knocks on the door, waits patiently]

_Noise can be heard from inside and Obi-Wan can sense a presence behind the door._

OBI:  [patient, waits, knocks again]

_Presence is still there but they won't open the door._

OBI:  [knocks again, no response, tries different approach]  Hello?

_Presence stiffens._

OBI:  Hello?  Can you open up please?

_Presence is agitated._

OBI:  [slowly, aware of the agitation]  My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I'm a Jedi Padawan Learner—

CHILD:  [from within]  My mommy told me not to talk to strangers!  Go away!

OBI:  [smiles slightly]  That is a very good rule.  But I'm a Jedi.  I won't hurt you.

CHILD:  [scared]  But you'll kidnap me and take me to the moons of Vendar and sell me to the slave people!

OBI:  No, I'm a Jedi.  My duty is to protect and serve.

CHILD:  Go away!  I'm going to call the cops!

OBI:  No, no, please, really, I'm a Jedi.

CHILD:  Do you think you'd tell me that you were a slave driver?

OBI:  Well, no, I guess not.

CHILD:  I don't wanna be taken to the moons of Vendar!  I wanna stay here with my mommy and daddy and my big sister!

OBI:  [growing uncomfortable with the scene]  I'm sorry—

CHILD:  [ranting, clearly unstable as of now]  And then I'll never see my friends or my classmates and I won't finish school and then I will never be able to read the next level's readers and so then I'll never be anything in the galaxy but the slim that Hutts leave behind—

NEXT HOUSE 

OBI:  [knocks without emotions, waits with even less emotion]

_There is running heard inside.  The running nears the door, ending is a sudden halt and yells.  The door opens, a teenage girl stands there, a younger boy behind her. _

GIRL:  [panting] Yes?

OBI:  Uh…hi…my name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.

BOY:  [pushing past his sister] Mom tells us not to talk to solicitors.

GIRL:  Shut up, Elki.  I'd like to hear what he has to say.

OBI:  [hesitates, notices the girl is staring intently at him]  I…am a Jedi Padawan Learner.

GIRL:  [interested]  A Jedi?

OBI:  Yes, a Jedi—

BOY:  [now also interested]  Cool!  Do you have a lightsaber?

OBI:  Well, yes—

GIRL:  Elki, go away, you're acting like such a child.

BOY:  [glaring at the girl]  At least I'm not drooling like you are!

GIRL:  [angry, smacks him upside the head]  I'm not drooling!

  
BOY:  [laughing]  Riiight…you think he's cute!

GIRL:  Elki!  You better run before I beat the living Bantha out of you!

BOY:  [stumbling back from the door, laughing]  I'm not afraid of you!

GIRL:  [turns back to Obi-Wan, smiling sweetly]  Sorry about that.  Little brothers—they can be so immature.

OBI:  [uncomfortable]  Uh…yes, I can imagine.

GIRL:  So, what can I do for you?

OBI:  Well, we're raising money so we can update our facilities and in order to acquire the funds we are selling chocolate bars.

GIRL:  [only half listening, quickly replies] Wonderful.  I'll take all of them.

OBI:  [surprised]  Umm…all of them?

GIRL:  Sure.  Anything to help the Jedi.

BOY:  [moves to the door again]  Carri, you can't buy chocolate bars.  Mom would kill you!

GIRL:  [hissing]  Shut up, Elki.

BOY:  Besides, you don't have any money.

GIRL:  But you do, don't you?

BOY:  Not for you!

GIRL:  It's not for me.  It's for the Jedi.  [she smiles briefly at Obi-Wan]

OBI:  You know what, maybe I should just come back later…

GIRL:  NO!

BOY:  Carri, I'll tell Mom.

GIRL:  Not if I kill you first!

OBI:  Umm…

_The two start pounding each other, running from the door and through the house._

OBI:  [awkwardly]  Yes, I think I'll try back later.

_NEXT HOUSE_

_Obi-Wan is clearly frustrated and annoyed.  He has lost his patience.  He rings the bell.  A stout woman answers the door._

WOMAN:  [in a whiny, grating voice]  Yes, how can I help you?

OBI:  Hello, ma'am.  My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I am a Jedi Padawan Learner.

WOMAN:  [squealing]  What a cute little thing you are!  I could just eat you up!

OBI:  [smiles weakly]  Yes, well, instead of eating me, perhaps you would like to buy and eat some of these fine chocolate bars.  We are attempting to raise money for an addition to the Temple and are offering the fine citizens of Coruscant the Galaxy's Finest Chocolate bars.

WOMAN:  How scrumptious that sounds!

OBI:  [hopeful]  They're only 10 credits a piece.  Would you like some?

  
WOMAN:  I would LOVE some, but sadly, I can't.  I am on a strict diet.  The doctor tells me that I have to lose this wait or I'm at risk for all sorts of horrible diseases.  And as much as I love food, I'd like to live instead.

OBI:  [is crestfallen]  Oh.  Are you sure?

  
WOMAN:  Quite sure, little Jedi.

_Obi-Wan appears to be struggling to maintain control of himself.  Finally he looks up at her with determination in his eyes._

OBI:  [focuses, waves hand] You would like to buy ten bars.

WOMAN:  Now look, I just said—

OBI:  [his brow crunches in concentration, waves hand again]  You would like to buy 10 bars.

WOMAN:  [monotone]  I would like to buy ten bars.

OBI:  [thrilled at his ability to use the Force and his sale]  Great!  That'll be 100 credits.

WOMAN:  [confused]  Okay, let me go get my purse.

_Obi-Wan waits happily for a moment, then suddenly begins to look down, his conscience bothering him.  The woman returns._

WOMAN:  Well, here you go.

OBI:  [sighs]  Ma'am, I cannot take your money.

WOMAN:  [more confused]  Well, whatever do you mean?

OBI:  [shakes his head]  Thank you, ma'am. [begins to walk away, muttering] Stupid Code, stupid morals, stupid, stupid, stupid…

WOMAN:  [calls after him]  What about the chocolate?

_NEXT HOUSE_

OBI:  [rings bell, waits]

_Door opens and an amazingly attractive girl a few years older than Obi-Wan is standing there, looking with interest at Obi-Wan lithe young frame._

GIRL:  [provocatively]  What can I do for you today?

OBI:  [blushes despite himself]  Well, I, um…

GIRL:  [waits expectantly, smiles]  Yes?

OBI:  My name is…um…Obi-Wan Kenobi…

GIRL:  Hi Obi-Wan.  I'm Relashia.

OBI:  [stuttering, clearly distracted by the girl's looks and skimpy clothing]  And, I um…well, I'm a—

GIRL:  Are you hungry?  Won't you please come in?

  
OBI:  No, no.  I, um…

GIRL:  Is everything alright?

OBI:  I'm…just a bit nervous.

GIRL:  [smiles]  I understand.  Just relax.  Don't worry.  Relashia is here.

OBI:  [barely able to form complete sentences]  I, uh…um…I—

_Suddenly the girl pulls him close to her, kissing him deeply and passionately.  _

GIRL:  Let's make out…you want to make out, don't you?

OBI:  [surprised, unsure how to react]  Well, I came here—

GIRL:  [still kissing Obi-Wan, pressing him against a doorframe now] Don't lie.  Come on, you know you want it.  Do what you came for now!

OBI:  [remembers his purpose, pulls away abruptly]  Alright!  It's a little bit funny…

GIRL:  [breathless, stunned]  What?

OBI:  This feeling…inside.  I'm not one of those who can easily…hide.

GIRL:  [thinks she understands, understandingly]  Yes, yes.

OBI:  We don't have much money, but if we did, we'd build our new gym.

GIRL:  Yes…

OBI:  If I were a Master—but then again, no…if I were a Knight on a traveling mission—I know this is not much, but it's the best I can do.

GIRL:  Of course…yes, yes, of course…

OBI:  My job is selling chocolate!

GIRL:  [suddenly confused]  Chocolate.

OBI:  [holding out a bar]  This one's for you…for only 10 credits.

GIRL:  [stunned]

OBI:  I hope you don't mind, I really hope you don't mind, that I put down in words your wonderful order so the Masters can have proof of the transaction.

GIRL:  [eschewing her confusion] I can't believe it…I'm in love…I'm in love with a young, handsome talented heir to a fortune.

OBI:  Heir?

GIRL:  Not that the chocolate's important of course.

OBI:  I'm not an heir.

GIRL:  [shocked in a bad way]  Not an heir?

OBI:  I'm a Jedi.

GIRL:  A Jedi?!

OBI:  Yes, a Jedi.

GIRL:  No!

OBI:  [confused]

GIRL:  You're not another one of the galaxy's oh so young, charmingly disarming Jedi, are you?

OBI:  Well, you might say that—

GIRL:  NO!  The heir!

OBI:  The heir?

_Suddenly footsteps can be heard behind them as someone approaches the house._

GIRL:  Get out of here!

OBI:  So does this mean you don't want to buy any chocolate?

_NEXT HOUSE_

_With all the courage and resolution he can muster, he meekly presses the door chime.  A moment passes before a middle aged woman answers, looking haggard and tired._

WOMAN:  [indifference, boarding on surliness] What do you want.

OBI:  [forced cheerfulness]  Hello.  I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I am a Jedi Padawan Learner. [pauses, glancing at the woman who is staring at him with that some indifferent stare, stammers, continues]  And in an effort to raise money for the construction of a new gymnasium at the Temple, the Jedi are selling the Galaxy's Finest Chocolate Bars.  [pauses, looks for a reaction, becomes unnerved when he gets no response, continues hesitantly]  I have a wide assortment of bars, all made with top notch ingredients.  They're only 10 credits a piece.

WOMAN:  [after a moment]  You've got to be kidding me.

OBI:  No, I—

WOMAN:  You're selling CHOCOLATE?!

OBI:  It's for a good cause—

WOMAN:  Do you have any idea how many people want to sell me something for a "good cause?"

OBI:  No, but—

WOMAN:  If I paid money for all the JUNK that people sell to benefit "good causes" I'd be selling myself into indentured servitude on Gamma Prime.

OBI:  But—

WOMAN:  No, buts.  I don't care who you are or what you're selling, but if I get another stupid courtesy call or solicitor I think I might go into seclusion on Tatooine!

OBI:  That sounds a bit drastic—

  
WOMAN:  Drastic?  Drastic?  No, that doesn't sound drastic.  Drastic would be if I hired an assassination droid to sit outside my door and kill anyone who even approaches it without notifying me first.  Drastic would be if I bought a rabid Bantha to sic on all you annoying little people with innocent faces and sad stories and noble causes who are trying to sap me for money!

OBI:  [truly disturbed]  I'm sorry, ma'am—

WOMAN:  Sorry?  You think you're sorry?  You're not sorry.  No, you're just sorry that I didn't shell out some obscene amount of money for your ridiculous cause—

OBI:  The Jedi are not ridiculous.

WOMAN:  Aren't they?  What have they done for me lately?  Besides try to take the money I earned the hard way.

OBI:  The Jedi are diligent in keeping the peace here on Coruscant as well as the rest of the Republic.

WOMAN:  Well, cry me a river!  The Jedi don't have to put in 60 hour weeks in some slummy backwater of a café just to make ends meet.  The Jedi don't have to moonlit as a cocktail waitress in order to have electricity.  The Jedi—

OBI:  [frightened, begins to creep away]  You know, I think I'll be leaving now…

WOMAN:  Right!  You just run on away, Little Jedi.  Go off and harass other innocent people, trying to suck them dry of their precious money too!

_NEXT HOUSE_

_Obi-Wan looks pathetic as he climbs the stairs and sighs in defeat.  He rings the bell.  An eye peeps out through the peephole._

MAN:  [from inside, nervous] Who are you?

OBI:  My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.  I am a Jedi Padawan Learner.

MAN:  [more nervous, voice cracks]  A Jedi?

OBI:  Yes, I am a Padawan Learner.

MAN:  [quickly] I didn't do it!

OBI:  [looks confused]  Do what?

MAN:  [stammers] I don't know…whatever you're here investigating.

OBI:  I'm not investigating anything.  Sir, if you could just open the door—

MAN:  I swear, it wasn't my fault!

OBI:  Sir, I have no idea what you're talking about.

MAN:  You…don't?

  
OBI:  No, and if you could just open the door—

MAN:  [defensive] What for?

OBI: So I could explain—

MAN:  If you're not here on investigation, then why are you here?

OBI:  That's what I'm trying to explain.  You see—

MAN:  You really a Jedi?

  
OBI:  Yes, sir.

MAN:  Where's your lightsaber?

OBI:  On my belt.

MAN:  And you're not here after me?

OBI:  Should I be?

  
MAN:  [laughs nervously] No, no, no.  Of course not.

OBI:  Are you quite sure?  You seem a little on edge.

MAN:  Well, ah, it could be that I am in a slight bit of trouble.

OBI:  [raises his eyebrows skeptically]  What kind of trouble?

MAN:  [voice brightens]  Hey, Jedi are suppose to protect, right?

OBI:  [slowly] We are keepers of the peace…

MAN:  Man, do I ever need protection.

OBI:  From who?

MAN:  Uhh…you know, unhappy customers.

OBI:  What business are you in?

  
MAN:  [hesitates] Um, uh…you know…sales.

OBI:  Perhaps you should open the door, sir.

MAN:  Can you help me?

OBI:  Help you what?

MAN:  Get these guys off my back!

OBI:  Why are they 'on your back'?

MAN:  Well, uhh…you know.

OBI:  If you would open the door—

MAN:  They're gonna kill me!

OBI:  Then you should go to the security headquarters.

MAN:  Well, you know, there's so much paperwork with that…A Jedi, I mean, you could help me easily, right?

OBI:  I am only a Padawan Learner.

MAN:  But you still know how to use your lightsaber.

OBI:  I think if you are in serious need of protection, you should appeal to the Jedi Council yourself.

MAN:  Oh, come on, why do that when you're already here?  It'll only take a minute…

OBI:  Sir, I think I can safely deduce that you have arrived in this precarious state by your own actions, and therefore you are responsible for the consequences.

MAN:  So maybe I bent a law or two.  But they're gonna kill me!

OBI:  I cannot help you.

MAN:  [desperate] But I don't want to die!

OBI:  Then you should report to the nearest security center.  I would be more than happy to escort you there if you fear to leave your home.

MAN:  But I'll go to jail!

OBI:  In that case, I will leave you here so you can't await your ensuing death.

MAN:  You can't just go kill a couple of Denarians?

OBI:  That is not a part of the Jedi way.

MAN:  Ruthless Denarians?

OBI:  Are you ready to go to the security center, or should I be on my way?

MAN:  But, but—

OBI:  Life is precious, and it pays to live honestly.  Coming clean may rob you of your freedom, but it will ensure your life.  And your life can be meaningful no matter where you are.

MAN:  [sighs]  Fine, fine, I'll go with you.

OBI:  Wise choice.

_The man opens the door and slips out nervously.  Obi-Wan eyes him with caution, not knowing if he is dangerous, but sensing he is not._

MAN:  So let's go, Jedi.

OBI:  Very well.

_They begin off._

MAN:  Hey, by the way, what was it that you wanted in the first place?

OBI:  [shakes his head in a final defeat, he cannot sell chocolate] Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

THE END


End file.
